The hottest sexy video I watch is the one I made myself

Scrolling through my phone, I paused on the dirty clip I had all but forgotten about.

After I pressed play, a nude figure appeared on the screen, sitting on the edge of a bed with come-hither eyes.

Clearly she was waiting for her lover to give his next instruction. 

At first, you can only see his feet but then the camera suddenly angled upwards, exposing his crown jewels in all their glory.

As he approached her, the sexual tension was palpable which made a smile spread across my face because I knew exactly what happened next.

And not just because I’ve watched this film before – or because porn plots are pretty obvious. See, this is actually my very own sex tape.

That’s right, I was the star of this show.

While some people might cringe at the thought of making a homemade flick, filming myself during sex has never really phased me. In fact, I find it exciting.

That’s likely because I spent several years in long distance on-again, off-again relationships where technology played a huge part.

Conversation is all well and good but sometimes you just want to cum, even if it is through a phone.

So when I once dated someone who lived around hundreds of miles away, and we had plenty of video sex. 

Granted, that’s a little different from filming the act itself, but it certainly got me comfortable with seeing my body from every angle and on a screen.

Then around 10 years ago, an ex of mine suggested we pull out the camera during sex.

I was open to the idea and before I knew it, we were watching ourselves during our very own ‘live show’, shagging in the missionary position. He held the phone camera up with the lens facing towards us and pushed record.

I had no apprehensions – because I trusted my partner implicitly – and we had a lot of fun making our two-minute-long clip.

I’m not sure what else the lens captured though because we deleted our homemade porn straight afterwards.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big champion for enjoying the look and feel of your own body. It deserves your attention.

But it’s one thing to spend some time in front of the mirror looking at your beautiful shape (which I urge you to do) – it’s quite another to see your own sex face in action and at that time I wasn’t quite ready to see that.

To some extent I still felt that way a few years later when my partner, Beau*, first suggested we film ourselves having sex using his phone. 

I truly never thought I’d watch the clip back and I had every intention of deleting it once we were finished, but I must have forgotten. Now I’d stumbled across the sexy video again and I couldn’t help but be intrigued.

At first, as I watched the scene unfold, I was a little embarrassed. Then I realised that I was sitting alone in my bedroom with no one looking over my shoulder, and so I decided to just go for it. 

I was shocked to discover just how hot it can be to watch yourself have sex. I also hadn’t expected it to be a turn-on but it definitely was.

Some people may consider this egomaniacal or self-involved, which is your prerogative. But my pleasure didn’t come from admiring myself on screen, but rather memories that the film brought back.

The clip was only about sixty seconds long – I’m not even sure it falls under the category of sex tape, but that’s besides the point – but it still made my toes curl as I thought about how much fun I’d had that night and what followed after we’d put the phone down.

It also gave me a confidence boost of sorts. 

Rather than feel critical of my frame (I have hang-ups just like anyone else) I felt brave for exposing myself. More than that, rediscovering my sex tape helped me see my body in a new light.

And I’m not the only one.

Ten years ago, a YouGov poll found that 16% of Britons aged 25 to 39 years old had turned the camera on themselves while 3% of those aged over 60 had also made their own sex tapes.

I don’t have any proof but I suspect that number could be much higher now, especially as phone cameras have improved! 

So if you, like me, feel excited by the thought of turning the camera on yourself during a sexy set-up – go for it.

You could role play, dress up and live out your wildest fantasy on screen. Or just do what my lovers and I did, and keep the set-up more casual.

But before you pick up the camera, remember there are risks to documenting your sex life in this way.

If you’re making an amateur sex tape with someone else, there needs to be clear boundaries on what happens to the clip once you’re finished: I highly recommend you do this with someone you know and trust, rather than turning a one-night-stand or casual hook-up into your very own horny home movie.

And please, keep any sensitive images or videos of this kind in a password-protected folder.

In my case, I only said yes to filming our sex act because I had control over what would happen with the material. 

Beau told me that he was fine with keeping our clip on my phone because his face wasn’t visible – only mine was – and therefore I knew that I was more at risk, should it be leaked.

Out of respect to my boyfriend, I have since deleted the evidence of my fabulously torrid past long ago. I don’t feel the need to relive those sexual experiences because my current sex life is pretty great.

Our current bedroom activities don’t need spicing up, but I will say it got me thinking: perhaps it’s time to film things again with my partner?

To be continued in private, or behind the camera…

*Name has been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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