I’m nearly f***ing dead – but it’s a botched op not Parkinson’s which is stopping me from touring, says Ozzy Osbourne

WITH some trepidation, I ask Ozzy Osbourne: “How are you doing?”

“I’m nearly f***ing dead!” replies the lovable rogue in his distinct Brummie accent, unaffected by years in the States.

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Ozzy Osbourne, pictured in 2020, has had a career spanning more than 50 years[/caption]

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Sharon’s 2020 birthday Instagram post to Ozzy[/caption]

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Sharon and Ozzy, walking with a cane, in Beverly Hills[/caption]

“But if it is the end of the road for me, I can’t complain,” continues the singer with enough ailments to fill a medical dictionary.

“I’m talking to heavy metal’s Prince Of Darkness as he prepares to be honoured by the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame for a second time.

He’s joining a small, select band to be inducted more than once, including his music hero Paul McCartney.

Ozzy’s at home on the outskirts of Los Angeles with wife Sharon and, naturally, their many dogs, and I’m in London when we’re hooked up on Zoom.

Despite everything, the 75-year-old is looking as well as can be expected with his long, flowing, tastefully dyed dark brown hair framing that familiar expressive face.

For more than half an hour, he seems switched-on and lucid — taking me on a rollercoaster ride of heartbreak and humour, of adversity and resilience.

Though he bemoans the fact that he’s been “laid up for nearly six years”, he is never far from breaking into infectious laughter.

Reflecting on an extraordinary life that has taken him from the backstreets of Birmingham to the world stage, Ozzy says: “Sharon said to me recently, ‘If you had to do it over again, would you change anything?’ “I answered, ‘No, I had a f***ing great time’.”

At one point, he even breaks into the immortal lines of a song from his favourite film, Monty Python’s Life Of Brian.

“Always look on the bright side of life . . . life’s a piece of s**t, when you look at it.”

Then Ozzy adds: “I used to sing that to my kids when they were babies. I love that movie!

‘I miss you guys’

“The other day I went to my ­chiropractor in Beverly Hills and who should be sitting in the waiting room but John f***ing Cleese? It was like meeting the Pope!”

Ozzy also tells me of his dream to see out the rest of his days back home in England.

“I miss you guys,” he affirms.

“I was supposed to come back a year ago but, because of my ill health and my disabilities, they won’t let me.

“I’ve just spent a lot of money ­having some big extensions on my house near Beaconsfield (including an indoor pool) and I’ve never seen them.

It’s been hard on her…she’s had to hold the fort. I can’t tell her what’s going on because she’s got enough on her plate

Ozzy Osbourne on Sharon

“At some point, I’m definitely going to England though. If I stay there — I hope I do — something tells me the kids will ­follow.

“Maybe Sharon will want to keep a place here and a place there, we’ll see. I’m English but I’m becoming an American Brummie. I don’t want to end my days in America.”

Since 2003 when he broke his neck in a quad bike accident, Ozzy has been compromised by health issues, including being diagnosed with a form of Parkinson’s.

He’s had to undergo numerous ­surgeries, consume mountains of painkillers and endure endless hours of physio.

In 2019, he suffered a huge setback when he tripped during a bathroom visit in the middle of the night.

“I fell over and I landed wrong,” says Ozzy.

I don’t believe in religion but to recover from drugs & alcohol I had to have a power greater than myself …whether it’s God or a f***ing alien

Ozzy Osbourne on god

“I went to the doctor’s and you assume everybody knows what they’re doing. My son Jack has a video of me going into surgery, ­saying, ‘I’ll see you in a few minutes’. I haven’t walked properly since.”

Ozzy believes too much blame for his predicament has been placed on his Parkinson’s diagnosis.

He says: “I mean, when I came off the quad bike in 2003, I still did tours and I had Parkinson’s back then. It was THAT f***ing surgery.”

Now, in what is a huge moment for Ozzy, he has had to face a four-hour flight from Los Angeles to Cleveland, Ohio, to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame for solo work spanning more than four decades.

He calls the honour “the best news I’ve had in years. My last show was New Year’s Eve at the LA Forum nearly six years ago.”

But talk of his impending flight prompts an up-to-the-minute health report.

I can’t stand upright. Them old juices mean I want to perform but I can’t and it’s heartbreaking. I looked at getting bionic legs

Ozzy Osbourne on his health

“I’m prone to getting blood clots in my legs,” says Ozzy.

“I went for a check-up last week and, because they found another clot, I came very close to not being able to fly. I’m having to have injections for blood thinners and I’m wearing these f***ing ridiculous tights under my pants.”

This helps explain why he can’t get back to the UK any time soon — a subject which brings this rueful response.

I might just fly to New York, stay a couple of days and then fly to England from there,” he says.

“But if something happens at 35,000ft on a 747 bound for London, which is a seven-hour flight, I’m up s**t creek.”

Ozzy is also incredibly sad that he won’t be able to sing at the Hall Of Fame ceremony tonight.

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Ozzy and Sharon with their kids Kelly and Jack in 2014[/caption]

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A grey-haired Ozzy with Sharon and their four-legged pal on Instagram[/caption]

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Ozzy on the Blizzard Of Ozz tour in September 1980[/caption]

“I’d fall over because I can’t stand upright,” he reports.

“My balance has gone, which is very frustrating. At the rehearsal, I was very close to breaking down and crying.

“Them old juices inside me still mean I want to get up there. It’s heartbreaking that I can’t perform.”

Then, with a typical moment of gallows humour, he adds: “I wish I could get my balance back.

“I was looking into these bionic legs which you can get now — then I really would be Iron Man (a ­reference to one of Black Sabbath’s biggest, bone-crunching tracks).”

Ozzy will be inducted by Hollywood star and Tenacious D singer Jack Black, who he remembers well from School Of Rock.

I don’t even know who the Prime Minister is any more

Ozzy Osbourne on politics

A seven-minute medley of his solo songs will be performed by a stellar cast of hard-rock musicians including Billy Idol, Eddie Van Halen’s son Wolfgang, Metallica’s Robert Trujillo, Ozzy’s recent producer Andrew Watt and his lead guitarist Zakk Wylde.

But he is not looking forward to saying a few words to the assembled throng of rock royalty.

“I’m crap at making speeches,” he says. “I always end up thinking of five things at the same time and blowing it.”

With that typically honest admission, Ozzy moves on to matters closer to home.

He heaps praise on Sharon and their children, the well-known ones Kelly and Jack among them, for being “so helpful and supportive”.

“It’s been hard on Sharon though,” he adds, “because she has to hold the fort. There are still rows between the kids — they don’t get on or whatever — and sometimes I think, ‘I can’t tell her what’s going on, she’s already got enough on her plate’.”

I was at my chiropractor in Beverly Hills and he was in the waiting room. It was like meeting the Pope

Ozzy Osbourne on John Cleese

Ozzy has long given up alcohol and says: “My tolerance has gone, I’m glad to say, because when I start drinking I start looking for drugs. Sharon had good training in dealing with chaos!”

I’m keen to find out if the renowned hellraiser who endured accusations of satanism during his time in Black Sabbath has a spiritual side.

“I don’t believe in organised ­religion but to recover from my drug addiction and alcoholism, I had to have a power greater than myself,” he replies.

“When I was in rehab, one of the councillors said, ‘It doesn’t have to be someone sitting on a cloud in the sky’.”

“So whether it’s God or even if it’s a f***ing alien, there’s something more powerful than me.”

Then the hilarity breaks through again when he considers some of his group therapy sessions in rehab.

“People came up to me with all kinds of stuff like, ‘God isn’t an angel, he’s from Mars, man’. I don’t know why everybody goes on about Mars — there’s nothing there!”

Though he’s highly unlikely to tour again, Ozzy is determined to make another album, the follow-up to his acclaimed 2022 effort, Patient Number 9.

‘I have a trainer’

That record employed guitar great Eric Clapton as a guest and his previous one, Ordinary Man, included the services of Elton John.

But there’s one music icon he wants to work with more than any other.

Ozzy says: “I’d love to do something with Paul McCartney. I nearly s**t my pants when I met him. I am not worthy!”

He casts his mind back to his teenage years in Birmingham and continues: “When I was walking down Witton Road in Aston with a blue transistor radio and She Loves You came on, I thought, ‘What the f* is this?’ It used to be Cliff Richard and all that stuff — but this was The Beatles! As a band they were great AND they all had individual ­personalities.”

When he was told McCartney was working at a studio he was also using, the Beatles superfan first thought it was a “f***ing wind-up” but then sensed an opportunity.

“I go in and say to my producer, ‘You’ve got to get him to play on this track for me’. I didn’t sleep that night.

I miss you guys. But they won’t let me fly to England because of my health. At some point I’ll come. I don’t want to end my days in America

Ozzy Osbourne on coming home

“The next morning, I went, ‘What did he say?’ The reply was, ‘I played it to Paul and he said he couldn’t beat the bass player who was already on it’.”

Before our chat finishes up, Ozzy sheds light on his daily routine as he strives for better health.

“I’ve got physiotherapy three times a week and I have a trainer coming twice a week. My son is staying with me at the moment and he goes to see this acupuncturist who also does yoga.

“I want to start doing yoga to get my balance back.”

Ozzy says he doesn’t watch much live telly, although he loves YouTube footage of his favourite ­subject, the Second World War, particularly Hitler and the Nazis.

He has this to say about the presidential race between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris. “You can’t avoid it, it’s every other advert. But I don’t fancy either side to be honest.”

And what about British politics with Labour kicking out the Tories after 14 years?

“I don’t even know who the Prime Minister is any more!” he confesses.

Don’t you just love him! Hang on in there Ozzy.